Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
