You work out of a Hotel?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
