...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
