I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
