I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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