U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
