So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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