Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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