he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
