well you can't waste a boner
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
