Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
