I got chris browned last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
