just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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