you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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