your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
