OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
