And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize