I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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