i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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