Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
