i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
