this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
