I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
