that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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