your thong is hanging out like whoa
no, he came in my armpit
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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