white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
