Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just blew my weed a kiss
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
