This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
