WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
