omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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