There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
