Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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