My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There's even glitter on my cock...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
