Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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