...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
