The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
