i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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