he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Buhtt sex?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize