Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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