Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
