so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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