I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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