I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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