So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
