Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
