i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You smell like stripper and shame
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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