My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
