Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
