in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
