We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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