im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
