oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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