Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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