I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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