Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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