He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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