friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
