He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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