He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
