in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
tell me about the fingering
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