i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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