Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
