he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
please come you make the beer taste better
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's like heaven, but drunker
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
