my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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