I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
