i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
