we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
