Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
