I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
