I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
