He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
