and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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