Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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