I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
