Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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