Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
